Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, Life

What the World Needs Now…

I’m hardly the first to say, or sing, or lecture, or prophesy (I’m only claiming to be saying it, it’s been repeated so often)… It’s been said so many ways, in so many languages, it’s enough to make your head spin if you let it!
Life, is about one thing, and one Thing only!! Love.

That’s it. It’s not hard, nor rocket science, it’s what makes it, it’s what helps it to grow, and it’s how/why we continue to exist! No Living thing survives without Love (That includes the Living Planet we occupy!) We as Human Beings, whether we’re looking from the bottom, up, or the top, down, are only special in that we think we are the only things capable of cognitive thought.
I propose we are the only ones complaining about it! Take a Good look around you!
If you are not seeing a wondrous view, of the Living organism that is the Glory of Life on this planet we cohabitate (poetic license), then you are missing the point of what it’s all about.
I’m not saying you “have” to be in the middle of a forest to see It, I’m saying we are failing to see it in all the ways It inhabits the world around us! Life is everywhere, there for us to admire, enjoy, stand in awe of for Its complexity and simultaneous simplistic pulchritude! What a wonder, what a joy to experience!!

Who knows the name of Helen KELLER‘s teacher? What a wonderful woman! Such Blesséd Insight/Inspiration! Can you imagine being able to care so much, that you gave your Life for the betterment of an other? That’s Love.
Putting someone else’s wants and needs before your own. That’s it! It isn’t hard (though at times, it’ll hurt!), It isn’t complicated, there it is in a nutshell. Why then, do we continue to over-complicate matters, make excuses about why we “…can’t do it”, and avoid discussing it directly?
…Maybe ’cause we’re afraid to do it!? Likely. It involves risk; a vulnerability, that few are honestly willing to admit to, or follow through with. And so then, we can pretend it isn’t there. Those feelings, those emotions, that we define as “being Human”, in today’s world is little more than myth.
Is there any wonder why teenage suicides (and suicide in general) are so much on the incline, and higher than ever before in our known history!? C’mmon , people!! Isn’t it obvious?? Our teenage years are some of the most emotionally charged throughout our Lives, because for the first time we are beginning to experience those emotions on a personal level. All those words are starting to paint a rainbow upon our hearts, and they make sense on a Spiritual level as well as Functional and Philosophical! We are then beginning to make sense of a world that we were at once dumb to, but now understand!

…And we’re pretending these things “…don’t exist. They’re just excuses for weakness!” And too, why bother expressing them if there isn’t an emoji for it?
We’re losing not only our comprehension of God/dess’s Greatest Gift unto us all, we are totally forsaking it, and saying it is our own to take away! Did you Make you? Is it then yours, to take away? Food for thought…
However, it’s difficult to say (for teenagers these days, in particular) that you are “wrong” to do so (taking your own Life), when you do not have a real understanding of what a Glorious Gift, It is! That guilt falls to the Parents who aren’t providing their Children with a viable example of what Love is! …Among other things, unconditional! We’ve long since (as a society) left behind the days of when Family mattered most, values and morals included! We’ve forgotten the Face of our Fathers and Mothers.

Love. Sweet Love! That, is what the World needs now! That is what Life, needs now! That, is what’s missing from our Lives, that is making us miserable. No Living thing on Earth, is an Island. We ALL need Love! Each, and every trillion(s) of us.

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life

Displaced Intentions

  We are living in an age of technology.  We are also living in an age of information.  We are inundated by them.  And they are growing and multiplying together at staggering rates.  And we are more disconnected from Life, and each other, than we’ve ever been.

  In the 1995 film Powder, Albert Einstein is attributed with the phrase, “It’s become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity.”  Whether he said it or not (and personally, I think it likely he did), it is becoming more and more true every day.

  How is it we can download terabytes of information on to a drive the size of my thumb, but struggle ceaselessly to express, honestly and clearly, how we feel to “Loved Ones”??  We’re not only losing touch with our fellow human beings, but with our Mother Earth, who sustains us continually, despite the atrocities we’re committing to/upon her!  And our Heavenly Father, who Inspires us to greatness in every moment, regardless of the impurity of  our minds?

  We are losing touch with all that is important, and filling our Lives, and the space(s) we live in with things that matter not at all to our survival!  In fact, nearly ALL that we are presently about, is destructive to our well being, and a detriment to the survival of our children, and if we are not quick to change, the very existence of humanity.

  Have we become so narrowly focused on the acquisition of “stuff” that we cannot see the damage we are doing?  Have we been so far removed from our emotions that we are numb to the pain and suffering our inaction is causing at alarming rates?  And not just to ourselves, but to BILLIONS of our sisters, mothers, daughters, brothers, fathers, and sons?

  what Good is there in tracking the “time” we spend working, when we fail to treasure the moments we share with each other (physically, not digitally)?

  Our moral compass has been shattered.  Our values misaligned.  We are losing more quickly than we are gaining, our sense of right and wrong, and the very basic desire to see things done rightly!

  What happened?  I’m not yet that old, and not yet too old to remember, when -Deity- came first, then of the Earth Family(ies), then Friends, then all else!  Swear and curse words were not heard on television, and vile/crude jokes weren’t the standard for “comedic discourse”.

  We are losing track of what matters most.  Love!  And from it, Life!  And in losing them, we’re losing every bit of happiness we used to sing about, in Praise and in delight.  In the war against apathy/evil, we are not just losing, we’re giving up!  How can this be??

  Life is so precious, so fragile, so fleeting, and we’re wasting it!  Constantly looking for “new and improved” ways in which to take it, to make others miserable through it.  How many trillions in currency are we spending on saving our planet?  On saving the human race?  We’re spending that much on its destruction!

  How many people have you complained to today, about some aspect of your existence?  How many people have you hugged, and told them you Love them?  Have you hugged a tree today, in gratitude for the air you breathe, because of it?  Or the shade it offers?  Or the fruit?  When’s the last time you smiled and greeted a stranger passing you by, just because?

  There isn’t much any of us need during these short lived mortal experiences.  Love, Sustenance, shelter.  That’s it.  And there’s PLENTY of each,  for each and every one of us, if we are but willing to share!

  We cannot, we will not survive, if we don’t do it together!  As yet another old saying goes, “Together we stand!  Divided we fall!”  We’re all in this together.  If we do not learn from the mistakes of the past, we will continue to repeat them!  Only this time, we’ll be eliminating our future as well!

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, Life

Dietary Choices…. How I started Choosing The Right!

  Good Morning!  And Good day to thee all!  A new post, for a new beginning.  The beginning of the future.  Of the more open, transparent me.  Of the me I’ve always been, yet continue to try to be better at…

  One of the first things I did (have done), in my efforts to become a Life-conscious Human-being, was ceasing to eat chocolate that was not, IS not, fair-trade.  Some 20 plus years ago, in a land far, far away, in the middle of a Life lived long ago, with someone no longer present therein, I discovered (and, to be fair and honest, it was my ex- who brought this knowledge to my attention), that 90% of the worlds chocolate was produced by, and the direct resultant product of slavery, and/or slave labor!

  Processed on the Ivory Coast, everything from milk chocolate to coco-butter (used in many things, including the making of “white chocolate”).  The other 10%, known as fair-trade, is the only kind of chocolate I now eat, and the only kind I’ve eaten since that day so long ago!

  The real tragedy is, is that in all the years I’ve known of it, talked of it/about it, I can count on one hand (with fingers left over) the number of people who have joined me in my crusade to combat this wrong, including those whom I’ve told that one might expect to have more interest in changing this ongoing wrong than others!!  {I speak of those whose skin is darker than my own, and only bring it up as a writer, providing a detail that cannot be gleaned without a reference…  This fact is NOT something that matters to me particularly, but for context.  Not because there is any more relevance to one human-being versus another… at least there shouldn’t be!!!}  The fact that so few have shown they care, in over 20 years of relating this information, has been an eye opener, if not disheartening, heartbreaking, and a cause of many tears having been shed, as I consider the wretched state of us all!  We are near ripe for destruction, save we repent!

  But this is not new information.  It is ages old, prophesied of and about many times, recorded time and again, by prophets both revered and hunted!  When profit margins are worth more to us than the people(s) whose labor, blood, sweat and tears it is gained from, we are ready for destruction.  When, for the sake of “ease”, Good people do NOTHING, despite knowing of injustice(s) being done, inhumane practices, direct slavery even, then is when the adversary gains his victory!  There is probably not much I could tell you of our wrong doing(s) that you are not already aware of, and yet it continues.  Because the “Good” people do nothing, and the adversary becomes stronger.

  What can we do to change this?  DO SOMETHING!!  STOP eating chocolate that isn’t fair trade!  STOP ignoring the homeless!  STOP enabling slave/sex traders by ignoring their existence!  STOP being complacent in the face of tyranny!  STOP letting other people choose leaders for you by not voting!!  Exercise your God-given, constitutionally protected rights, while you still can, while you still have them!  Repent ye ends of the earth, lest destruction swiftly comes upon us all!

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, Life

A Life Too Short

  In memoriam of the lost, the fallen, the Loved ones left behind.

  I’m not entirely sure if it’s ’cause I’m getting older, or because of my views, or the death I’ve seen (not as much as some… many even, too many more…), or just an innate longing to see Life flourish, as opposed to seeing it squelched.  Regardless of the reason, it effects me to see death!  It rends my heart to see Life’s  senseless destruction!

  And such is what transpired on the night of 10JAN2019, here in Davis, CA.  To be sure, in a societal, or even global context (most unfortunately), this is not an uncommon occurrence.  But it happened here, in Davis, where it is uncommon, and where I was able to be present (geographically) as it transpired, aware of it, and, as noted, effected by it!

  22 year old Davis Police Officer Natalie CORONA was shot and killed by a (reportedly) crazed gunman, who showed up on a bicycle where she was responding to an (unrelated to the shooter, as far as we know) accident involving 3 vehicles in downtown Davis.

  I’m still soul searching to figure out why exactly this has had such an impact on me… I’ve come up with a few possibilities, but none of them -on their own anyway- seem to fit.  Perhaps it is just a combination of factors in my Life… my sensitivity, my Love for Life, beauty, and all things natural… perhaps it’s my poetic nature, and a “Life interrupted” in such a cruel manor is anything but “natural”.  Perhaps it’s because she was young enough to be my own daughter, and, not having any children of my own (though I dearly, painfully want them), I “adopted” her as a “soul daughter”, a surrogate, not so much unlike the premature death(s) of my own unborn children.

  Whatever the reason, I’ve a strong emotional attachment to this young woman, as “crazy” as it may seem, and the deepest of sympathies for her parents, having -even if only fractionally- a small modicum of understanding the pain of losing a child, being a surviving parent of two separate miscarriages of 3 children… a pain I wish upon no parent.  The world is worse off, with her absence.  By all accounts given, she was a caring, giving, gentle, strong, passionate, determined, upright server and protector of the city!  One who was destined for greatness in her chosen career, had she been allowed the opportunity to grow with it!

  I know I’ve spoken before of Life, it’s importance and meaning to me (poetically, at the very least), what I believe it means to be a part of so wonderful a Creation as human beings are!  The thing is, is that “my views” are not necessarily “your views”, and, quite obviously, there are those that have no regard for Life at all.  And that in-and-of itself hurts me deeply.

  My one time therapist told me I was a romantic.  I nearly laughed, for I know no poet who is otherwise!  But for me, this entails an optimism, an idealism, about what Life should/could be!  And a desire to see a shift in/towards that direction in ALL of us!  We are capable, as sentient human-beings, of growing, of becoming better than we are!  We are able, to be the “best” “us” we can be, if we but choose to do so!  And therein lies the crux of the matter.  Choice.  An indelible condition of our mortality!  I would not have it any other way!!  Yet there are so many of us, for some reason, who are choosing death over Life!  I don’t understand this!  There is not one out of 7 billion (plus) of us Human Beings, our brothers and sisters, that has any need that is different from our own!  Love, Food, Shelter.  That’s it!  So why are we continuing to refuse/deny our brothers and sisters of the very things we ourselves want?

  Are we not supposed to Love our neighbors as ourselves (EVERY major religion has a form of the Golden Rule, whether they follow it or not…)!?!?  Therefore, if we want it, shouldn’t we help them to have it too?  Who doesn’t want help obtaining a perfect “trifecta”, a balance of all that is necessary, with just a hint of what we want thrown in as the cherry on top, to keep us striving for better???

  As this is a COMMON goal among us all, why are we getting in each others way, and our own, to prevent it?  Ask anyone, and most people will tell you they’d rather live in Peace, than discord!  They’d rather face Love, than apathy.  They’d rather Live, than die.  Why then, are we so stuck on destruction?  Why do we continue to act not for the Greater Good (which, ironically, would indeed serve ourselves as well… especially if everybody was doing the same), but for the narrow, itty-bitty self-serving “now” and instant gratification we know cannot last, and will benefit not one of our progeny!?

  No one with more than most others will seriously or honestly tell you there Lives are better, or simpler with the abundance they have!  Easier, maybe, but their quality of Life is actually much lower than that of someone of the “blue collar” class, for, as “we” have less, we appreciate what we do have more!

  It is a shame, then, that there are so many out there, so hurting, so lost, that they feel the only way they can improve their own lives is by taking an other’s.  It’s false.  It solves nothing, and only increases the hurt that is felt.  And yet we allow it, by our own inaction.  By our neglect of that which we know to be right, versus what we are willing to do that is right.  Evil cannot win unless Good people do nothing.

  This, therefore, is a call to action!  To all those Good people out there, who have been convinced -falsely- that there’s “…nothing I can do”, STOP BELIEVING THIS LIE!!  Great things are accomplished by small acts!  You don’t have to move a mountain, just a pebble!  So that someone else’s journey through this Life might be a little smoother!  We all must climb that hill, that mountain, take those switchbacks, like it or not!  But if we take the time, and make the effort to help out another, by so simple a means as moving a pebble out of the way to make the path a little more smooth, can you imagine how easy that climb would be, for ALL of us, if we ALL chipped in in like manner????

  Who knows… by a simple random act of kindness, you might just be changing someones mood just enough, by putting a smile on their face, or in their heart, that they don’t feel that an other’s Life is worth being lost.

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, Life

My Crazy Life… Or the Last Decade Thereof [Part IV]

Herein lies the long awaited final chapter.  I must apologize, for I don’t know that the congruity I had hoped for exists.  If not, please let me know where and why not, and I’ll correct as I’m able.  I’ve been away from my writing too long, and it’s looonnng past time that I get back to it.  Life is funny that way.  It’ll get in the way of whatever it is you want to do, if you let it.  And we usually do, then try to blame some outside source for the distraction.  The fault is my own.  I have failed to budget my time appropriately, and the one thing I want to/like to do most, is the thing that suffered.  No one ever says they want to fail, yet we let Life’s distractions dictate to us our actions, instead of the other way around.  This is what I’ve done.  But I know I am to blame.  It’s all too easy to do.  And “ease” is the gold-standard these days.  If it’s “hard“, we want little or nothing to do with it.  Well, guess what?  Nothing of the best things in Life are easy, if they were, they wouldn’t be the best!  They’d be (as so much is today) mediocre.

I am no fan of mediocrity.  It doesn’t appeal to me, I don’t think “…It’ll do!”  We are all meant to shine, and why wouldn’t we want to shine as brightly as we are able, for as long as we’re able??  I do!  And that’s how I choose to Live my Life!  When I blunder, it is by no small degree!  Contrariwise, I hope to begin adding to that very long list of failures, some absolutely amazing successes!  One day, one hour, one minute, one second, one moment at a time, that is just what I’ll endeavor to do!

Ready?  Grab a comfy spot, it’s not short!  LOL  Here it is…

The incarceration experience itself, was -again- as close as I ever want to come to a “living hell”.  I was more “out of my element” than I’ve ever been in my Life.  And I’m used to being the odd man out!

I was more alone than I’ve ever been, with but a handful of people (over the course of the entire imprisonment) that I would and/or want to socialize with.  I had nothing in common with 95% of the other “inmates” (…inmates is one of two distinctions made “in there”;  “Inmates” are those (now the majority) who took a plea bargain at some point, avoiding trial.  Mostly the youngsters, void of any sense of responsibility or ownership for/of their action(s).  A “convict” was one who had gone to trial and been convicted),the older generations,  -generally- taking ownership of their action(s), and took care of their own business.  Convicts tend(ed) to be more responsible, less meddling, more mindful of and considerate of others and other’s spaces.  So, though I remained friendly, I did not socialize much, if at all.  Had it not been for the previously mentioned programs, I would have completely isolated myself, and at times, I did.  The only exception to the commonality, was of course, our mutual incarceration.

My first 7 months were spent in “the hole”, a predicament, I was told (by the Sergeant in charge only after the fact) that was inflicted upon me because they (the C.O.’s) were concerned about my “mental state”…  Mind you, they had no cause  to have this concern, but this was the excuse proffered.  This was how my incarceration was to begin, and truth be told, it was more damaging to my “mental state” than being sent straight to the “GP” (General Population) would have been.  But I did not make an issue of this fact, because I wanted as little to do with the “governing body” as possible!  A truth I learned while in the military:  The fewer [of those in charge] who know your name after you’re gone, the better off you were!  And in fact, the similarities between prison life and the military are staggering {Sorry military, but it’s true!}.  But again I digress….

Being in “the hole”, you are completely isolated from all human physical contact, and most interaction(s) therewith!  You get (at Yolo County Jail, others may do things slightly differently… such as give you not an hour a day, but 7 hours divided among two or three instead, for the “time out” you’re given is mandated, not how they give it to you) one hour per day, to shave/shower, make a phone call, and spend time in/on the yard (an octagon shape it took me 43 steps to walk completely around)!

Obviously, you usually didn’t get it all done in your time, so you scheduled your time per day.  One day shower and make a phone call, next day walk and phone call (if you had someone available, and willing to take a collect call at whatever your time out was).  At Yolo County Jail, those times rotated throughout the week, and weren’t the same twice in a month.  This too was a tactic, employed to keep you off balance, unrested, “penalized” for whatever offense “they” perceived as a “just” reason for putting/keeping you in the hole.

Truly and completely out of my element, I turned to the one and only escape I had available to me;  Books!  Throughout my incarceration, I read in excess of 370 books, of varying genres and styles.  Scriptures, poetry, autobiographies, self-help, fiction, narrative non-fiction, biographies, sci-fi/fantasy (one of my favorite), tech manuals, I even read -and studied- college text books, with and without the accompanying course(s)!

Until I arrived at San Quentin, and actually spent a greater portion of my time “programming” (anything that is considered/conducive of self-improvement is called this), it’s just about all I did.  From the time I got up, ‘til the moment I went to bed (which was at random times of the day/evening depending on my dictated schedule), I had my nose in a book, and my brain far far away!

It may be the only thing that kept me from losing it!  I’ve always enjoyed reading, and being given such an immense amount of “time” in which to do so, I did!  LOL

It hid me from, and/or gave me an excuse to pretend I was hidden from, all the evils that went on around me.  And there were many.  violence was a common occurrence,  often one inmate against another.  Rarely, someone tweaking hard enough would brave acting out against a C.O., and that never went well for them!

Drugs of course, and plenty of them.  Food bought either through a quarterly package, or from the “canteen” was a favorite currency.  And cell phones aplenty!

We’ll discuss the sources another time, when I’m a little more at liberty to say…  By and large though, prison is a great place to go if you’re looking to hone your skills in criminality, or, more likely, learn/hear from another inmate the way they did it, or should have done it.  Then when you get out you have something new to try!!  Well, sort of.  It is rarely spoken (ironically), but it is the very act(s) that landed them there that they talk about most.  So, if it didn’t work for them, why do you think it would work for you??  Hmmm…

But logic is all but lost on the majority of the incarcerated (and too many of those in charge).  The entire system is rigged against them, often for little more cause than having been born/raised in an impoverished state, and has become so effective at keeping them there, that many of them are convinced that there is either no way out, or no better way!!  Seriously!!

The average education level in prison is 5th grade!!  That’s an average, which means that everyone with a 6th grade education or greater (about 1% of the prison population has a 12th grade or higher level of education), are actually raising the average to that level!!  The problem is systemic!  The entire system from the bottom up, and top down needs fixing, and public opinion right along with it!

Once more I digress, but it actually adds some context for you.  I have had a “13+” level of education for… more than half my life at this point.  So “relating” to the “General Population” was, for me, difficult to the extreme.  Ethically and Morally, as well as “educationally”.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means saying that all or even a majority of the uneducated are morally bankrupt, or “bad”, but what I am saying is that lack of education is one of the most serious problems in the United States, and it’s only getting worse, and the repercussions more numerous.  Poverty is the next most serious problem here in the U.S., and it too is only getting worse, and the -negative- repercussions more numerous.

Therein lies the heart of the problem.  The (majority of the…) wealthy don’t care.  The prison industrial complex is one of the biggest cash cows on the market, and everyone at the top is getting the biggest piece(s) of that shepherd’s pie!

Again with my digression(s)…

The horrors I witnessed are things that the “average” law abiding citizen only sees on t.v., and each one drove me a little deeper into my shell.  Had to!  No “sane” person can take such an abundance of illegality and violence, and not crack, one way or the other.  And by-and-large, the majority succumb.  Even some of the most God-fearing, religious, spiritual people I knew “in there”, had either participated in and/or supported it at some point or another.

Scripture(s) and books, primarily, were my salvation.  Scripture reading helped to deepen a Faith that had already been given a mega-boost during my Journey, and “regular” reading kept my mind busy on all things non-religion related.  Although, I could argue that religion is related to all things, I won’t… not here anyway.

My Faith, above all else, was my saving grace.  While I was in County Jail, and then at reception (D.V.I., Tracy), I had no source other than my own studies (possible by the fervent efforts of the -then- Bishop of the Davis 1st Ward [Thank you again, Travis!  All that you did meant, and means the world to me!!]), and this was invaluable to me!  I spent much of my time reading, rereading, pondering, and Praying about what I’d read.  I came to know the Book of Mormon better than ever before, and it Inspired me to continue to push through, regardless of what happened.

Once I got to Avenal, I was able to (re)establish services there, but for the duration of my time there (a little more than 5 months), I was the only attendee (I had met a couple of members on “my” yard, but they were usually busy doing other things… like working out).  This was fine by me, as I was able to get “alone” time I hadn’t had in more than 2 years, and study the scriptures in relative peace and quiet!

Upon my arrival at San Quentin however, I  had a community of people, fellow members, and outside volunteers, who truly enriched not only my study, but my Life, and they are a continuing and active part in my Life now (Thank you!  You know who you are!)

Reading “fun” books (not for school or religion) was my other go-to sanity saver, a good way for me to escape the world around me.  Many authors’ worlds consumed my attention, among them J.D. ROBB, Jim BUTCHER, Patrick ROTHFUSS, Brandon SANDERSON, LIU Cixin.  These author’s worlds transported me away from it all, and enabled me to be where I wanted to be… anywhere but there.

Despite it all, and by the Grace of God, the lions were kept at bay, and the only thing left of that time for me is the fading memory, the few Good people I want to keep in touch with, and the mental (social) issues that arose from (almost) 7 years of incarceration.

 

And now I’m on the outside.  My Life (and rightly so) will never be the same.  One cannot come from so long a stay in such an institution and remain the same, unless they have no desire to change.  And though I’d already had an appreciation for Life, for “liberty”, for ALL the beauty that surrounds us, it is exponentially more so now!  When forced to witness such ugliness, and having no other options for your time and attention, the yearning to make a difference, to show the world that a rose CAN grow amid a world of concrete, asphalt, and concertina wire!

I don’t know how well I’ve told this chapter of my Life.  I have plenty of room for improvement… as a writer I will always seek to improve.  To be more, to do more, to Live and to share that Living with more!  In some regards, the last ten years have been a blur.  In others, especially during that time of incarceration, it is/was the longest of my Life.  And I am Grateful. And humbled to the extreme.  That I sit now, on “the other side”, typing/writing this to you all, to say, I am here!  I am alive, and I Love all of my 7 + billion brothers and sisters, whether we see eye to eye or not!  And if not, let’s talk.  Let’s discover what it is about our differences that may cause conflict, and avoid that conflict, for our differences are what make us individuals.  And it is our individuality that unites us all, all seven billion of us, for it is what makes us human!  It is the single factor that does not change, but, that if appreciated, and not scorned, can help us all to grow in the midst of concrete, into the blossoming flowers we were all intended to be!  For we are more similar than not, we all have the same three basic needs; Love, Food, Shelter.  And in that order!  We all want Peace, and the freedom to live out our lives in harmony with our Loved ones, our kin, our Friends.

Adversity is but a teacher, and if we so choose to learn from it, instead of fighting against it, we can all appreciate the ease a little more when it comes.

Posted in 1, Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life, Poetry

Good Morning!!

Well, somebody had to say it!  LOL  You can’t see me, you’re reading this!  So it is important that I describe to you all that is going on around me, that you may understand.

Life.  Life is going on, all around me!  And I want so much to be a part of it!  But you won’t let me.  You keep the door(s) locked.  I can’t get in {“What if I’m (he’s) a “criminal”??}  Well, the cat’s out of the bag.  I am.

By “societies” standards, and definition.  In truth, I’m not.  I try, every day to be the Best me I can be, every day.

By “Best”, I mean, non-violent, Peace Loving, Love wanting, me that I can be.  I don’t condone violence, of ANY SORT, but I continue to be subjected to it, literally and figuratively.

My Name is Elron!  What’s your name?  How are you??  Simple greetings, to be shared or ignored as you please.  I have only my words, all else has left me.!

And so I return.  Again and again!  Gladly, for YOU!  Will you have me?

If so, I’ve made the means and the ways for you to contact me when you Wish, available on as many “sharing” “medias” as I’m willing to tolerate.  To be honest, I grow tired of all the technology, the data, it’s all so superfluous!  What MATTERS, IS LIFE!!!!  And the Living of it.

And the people you know, that you invite into your space, matters.  What you do with them, how you do it, Why you do it!

If I’ve confused you, please start from the top, and read it again.  Everything else, is so much fluff!!

I could sit here typing to/at/for you all about what I’ve gone through in this Life, or others, but I do not wish to spend every waking moment typing, or reading, though I enjoy both!  And yet, how else do we share?  I’d rather be Living, alive, feeling, experiencing, all that Life has to offer.  For it doesn’t matter WHAT you do, just so long as you are harming none in doing so.  That includes YOURSELF!

The TRUTH is out there, in every language.  And if that’s what you’re lookin’ for, you’ve found It!  If not, look else where.  I’ll tire eventually of repeating it, but I’ll say it again, perhaps with more words, so you can more easily Understand.

I Love you ALL, that I’ll NEVER tire of saying, to you as an individual, or as a Group.  For THAT is what matters, nothing more, nothing less.  If You’d like to Hear more, feel free to ask (in “person”, in RL preferably), but I’ll respond digitally if you want [you can’t like it or Love it, it’s not “alive”!]!

Aloha!  Namaste!  As-Alámu Álaykum!

~Me~  {~Elron~}

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, Life

Back In the Swing of Things…

Hello World!  I Pray this post finds you all well, and in the best and brightest of Spirits!  (If I’ve ever personally written you a letter, that may seem familiar, but please don’t let it diminish the intent, nor the depth and seriousness of my saying so.  And if I haven’t, I start many letters similarly, and mean it no less here than there, though I am unable to personalize it thus said to the “world”!  LOL)

I believe I stated before, and to my watchers it was painfully obvious, I was ‘AFK’ for several years, but am now back, and getting back to what matters in my Life!  Namely, the Living thereof, and doing those things, and supporting those things that matter most, to me, to my Family, Friends, and Loved Ones.

Life’s trials left me out of touch.  Out of touch with those whom I care(d) most about, out of touch with my “true” self, unreachable, except by the most devout, and truest of Friends and Family.  It taught me a lot too.  About my self, about others, and about the U.S. we live in (NOT to be confused with the “world”, though we could honestly say “…our own little world“), the state I live in, and what these things mean to me.  My likes, dislikes, hopes, Prayers, even my Beliefs, though unquestioned, changed.  For the better in most cases.  My “views” have certainly changed.  As did my view.  I’ve come to a much greater appreciation of the Serenity Prayer, most often recited at substance abuse programs I don’t require.  It goes something like this:

“God, grant me the strength to accept those things I cannot change.  The courage to change those things I can.  And the Wisdom to know the difference.”

We are in a terrible state these days.  Largely, if not completely, of our own doing.  We allowed, by simply not participating, a man less qualified than any before him to become President… a position that is SUPPOSED to be reserved for someone who represents the ideals, and desires for change of the U.S. populous.  Do you feel fairly, equally, and/or honestly represented?  I’m not.

Our Mother Earth is weeping and trembling at every pour, for the great and horrific damage(s) we’ve done, and are continuing to do to Her!  She bore us, and nurtures us still!  But without drastic and immediate changes to our practices and habits of consumption, She will no longer be able to support us, and we will no longer have a planet to call home…  We’ll simply cease to be.  Are you secure in/about our future?  I’m not.

Overall, the acts of violent crime(s) have been decreasing over the past 20 years, and yet the media reports and shows us these things 4 times as much!  But we are not removed from the guilt of it, for we are tuned in, linked, “liked”, and “favorites” of each and every despicable display of the failings of ourselves, and the system(s) which are SUPPOSED to be making things “better”, “easier”, more livable, not less.  Are you okay, or worse, happy with this?  I’m not.

Families are on the fall, single parenting on the rise, and we are more Plugged in and Disconnected than we’ve ever been, through the advent of the very technology that professes to be bringing us together, while addicting you to their products/services, and keeping us further apart, and less able to connect than we -a Social species- have ever been!  Comforted?  Not me.

The “world” I left, is not the “world” I returned to, but I didn’t expect it to be.  I had hoped, that as iGen came to be a force in our society they would take the connection(s) provided them through the ever-changing tech boom and use it for the furthering, and bettering of themselves and mankind… it could happen.  Perhaps.  I’m not confident.  I remain hopeful.

It is time.  It is time for us to get over the “buzz” of the instant feedback, the “quick fix”, because these things have profited us NOTHING!  There is nothing glamorous, or worthy of our precious and fragile time upon this Earth about violence, and it only begets violence, we’ve been proving it for thousands of years.  It is PAST time for us to put our energy and efforts to our survival, TOGETHER, or we WILL NOT survive.  We cannot solve the problems we ALL face alone.  We cannot overcome the darkness that is surrounding us without the billions of points of light we ALL are, coming together, to outshine that darkness!  We can overcome the tide that is drawing ever near.  But not without each other.  Not without Family.  Not without Friends.  These last two are NOT replaceable.  They cannot be exchanged for a better model as our tech can.  They take time to grow, and time to heal, and time to make strong.

And we’re running out of time.

Posted in Life, Poetry

In Remembrance…

July 17, 2011, I lost a Housemate.  And a Friend.  A comrade-at-arms, a man I was looking to as a model of possible success.  We didn’t get a lot of time to spend getting to know one another, but the time spent was well, and I will carry his memory with me always.

Blessed be Charles A. Baird.

 

In Remembrance

 

Per a Friends interest

I write this rhyme

to mark the passage

of a Friend through time

 

For an artists Life

is feigning gay

we see Life’s beauty

in a vast array

 

Though time & space

we immortalize

the Good, the bad,

all that we idealize

 

A moment stolen

is all we have

to make Dreams real

to mark our paths

 

Life is short

and bitter sweet

where Love resides

lies no defeat!

 

Take your time

to remember the past

when memories Live on

their messages last.

 

©   28JUL2011                                                    James Elrond Mings

 

 

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life

My Letter to An Angel & Phoenix!

The only way(s) one can speak with an Angel or Phoenix is through Belief, Prayer, Spell, and perhaps in -physically- written form, save for the obvious, and perhaps “less” likely, “in person”.  (Unless you know one!  😛 )  Now, thanks to the advent of technology, we can reach out to the Universe through cyber-space!  One day, perhaps we’ll share more through telepathy.

Nya melda mellon,

                If/when you ever read these passages, I hope there is no confusion as I skip back and forth from “letter” style to Journal entry.  LOL  I try to go with what feels right, and thus far, the only constant -and Positive- “feeling” I have/get is that I keep writing.  I Promised.

Though it becomes more daunting each time, as with the passage of time, the likelihood -from my “mortal” point of view- of you reading them/it seems to dwindle… but, what do I know?  I’m just a silly man, a little fish in a big pond, trying to make my Dreams come true.

                Case in point: I’ve tried by every means I am capable of and know about to reach out to you, without violating your request/demand for space, and for me to “stay away”.

The cruel silence sworn never again to be, haunts me still, and I know not if/when it will end.

                And yet, still I reach!  Still, I continue to write, still I continue to Dream!  Still, though you deserve -at least the chance- to share in the Glory of all my successes, as none would’ve been possible without you, I celebrate them alone.

                There is so, SOOO much, I want and wish I could share with you!  Things I can only share with you!  The Things I’ve been Shown, Memories recalled, Images, so Real of our past Lives together!  Every sense is filled with them!  {All 9 or more of them!! 🙂 }  Remembrance of our time spent Together before you left for boot camp & then before “A” School!  Remembrance sharing the knowledge of these Lives with you as we lay together in Love, entwined in each others Souls, words connecting Past, Present, and Future as One!  So much, so fast, yet bound by time in each Precious Moment!  In each others eyes we saw beyond mortal flesh and through time into the Universe!  We touched in ways beyond the flesh, Souls uniting, Love binding, we became One!

                You’ve said it twice now, “It all happened so fast!!”  Yes!  It did!  Love is not bound by time, but  by memory.  By the way we remember/recall/felt things happen.

                Blessed in those moments, we shared Lives of Love, found the keys of time and unlocked our Spirits to the Reality of Forever!  “Always & Forever!” you said, then I “Forever and Anon!”

                Our Love is so Great we broke the rules of time!

                So we paid for it.  You’ve actually suffered physically for your memory loss, I’ve suffered… well, for lack of memory in general.  We’ve both suffered.  As long as we’re Together though, we may remember more!  When we’re apart, if we’re not careful, memories can fade.

                It’s taken me nearly 17 years to recall half the time we spent together!  Yet as each Blessed Memory returns, more of the “puzzle” makes sense!  Life, then, makes sense.  And it is when I’m thinking of you that the pieces come together!

                Sadly, I don’t know what, if any of this, you recall… we talked about your memory loss (of our first Union), but -you- said little of/about what you recalled.

Those memories locked away have started coming back to me, in this our most Blessed Magickal year so far this Lifetime, but not without a further cost.

                For I am alone.  The only One I could share this with, You, hasn’t spoken a “meaningful” word to me in nearly two years!

                I’ve tried every way I know how to, tried to at least have some dialogue between us, and you’ve shut me out of your Life completely, texting a demand I not come near you or your daughter on bane of a Restraining Order!  Have I really done something worthy of such a threat?  I don’t know, you’ve not told me anything, other than “It all happened too quickly”, and you “needed your space”, as you and y/”our” {I acknowledge I have no legal right or “claim” to call her “my own”, yet, for three of the most Glorious months of my Life, I was Blessed with the opportunity to share something so pure, so powerful, so un-jaded, unconditional, unyielding as a Child’s Love, and for but a moment, I felt as though the title “Daddy” fit…}Precious little Princess hadn’t yet had it -space- on your own before.  That’s it.

                And so I wait, and Pray.  I Pray that you follow the Path that will bring you the Greatest Love, the deepest Joy, the Truest Partners, Family, and Friends, the fullest and most fulfilled Moments possible! …Whether they include me or not…

                I fear the pain of the loss of our Children furthers your desire to forget what you may recall/remember… but we must strive to recall all we can of the past, and always remember, while we’re able, that we may quit repeating the mistakes therein!  Without knowledge of the Pain, we are unable to truly appreciate the Bliss that is its opposite!

                I’ve been SO BLESSED!!! to have these memories back!  Some of, no, many of them hurt, yet they are Beautiful, and Precious Moments, each and every one!  It hurts more that I’m unable to share them with you, as you’re the only one that might remember too…

                Words cannot express, the intricacy, the synchronicity, the intimacy, and Beauty of the Universe found in each and every one of these memories, and we SHARED them, in a time and place you’ve forgotten, and I’m struggling to remember!!

                Of course, I can’t say that for sure anymore.  I don’t know what you may or may not recall/remember, we “haven’t had the chance” to talk about that yet.  When last I tried to have the conversation with you, -before I left there for here the first time- you said little and changed the subject!

                Two more years have nearly gone by.  So many Precious Moments lost…

                Mother Earth has helped Heal me (we have to want it…), and Heavenly Father made it possible, that I recall yet more of the best days, the best Moments of my Life!  Life for me is finally back on track, I’ve been, and remain to be, so Blessed!  But so alone…

It has been said that to achieve/discover Ones Destiny, “One must remember it first!”

                It’s funny, and a little sad.  That we must lose something, before we can find it.

And I’ve found you, twice!!  And the Blessings I’ve received pursuing my Dreams are too many to be told!

                Though, if given the chance, nothing, for me, would bring me Greater Joy than trying to share them all with you!  And to share with you all the Glories of your Dreams coming true as you pursue them!  That -those- Blessing(s)… is/are out of my hands.  Just out of reach…  But I believe Dreams can come and do come true!!

                I found my Angelic Moon Goddess, my Queen, a Phoenix!!  Twice!  Now , if she wishes, it’s her turn, she must find me.  And should our Paths cross once more, it will be an honor, and the Greatest Blessing of Love I’ve ever known!  To share, if even only a few of those moments we’re given so few of!  If given the opportunity I would be her King to the Greatest of all my abilities!  I can, I SHOULD do no less!!  She’s the Woman of my Dreams!!  In truth, I would happily be her servant!  A part in her -your- Life, would far out way no part in it.  But  I’ve let her -you-, “my” Phoenix fly free, and/or she has chosen to fly away, that she may choose her own Path too!  Whether she remembers our pasts together -Physically and Spiritually- in this Life, or chooses to forget, is her choice.  Your choice.  If she -you- want to remember, I’ll do all I’m able to help you recover those memories, to help you recall the Beauty, the symmetry, the Poetry that has been our Lives, and the Love we shared!  Or we can start anew, and make it up as we go! LOL  But it is your choice where, and if you land, and whom you fly/roost with. It is, or would be, mine to help ensure our house is a Home, and to be a Gatherer!  No matter how we do it, no matter what we do, if we do it together, Nothing can stop the Flight of 2 Phoenix’ Love!  Together, Forever, we will fly!  “Third time’s the Charm!”  😛

                We each get to choose, that’s the Greatness & freedom of being Human!  I’ve chosen my Path, and the One I wish to, would like to, and have Dreamed of walking it with!!  I’ve seen it!  It’s Real!!  As Humans, we get to choose to make our Dreams a reality, or our nightmares.  Or some of them, or none.  I “want” all of my Dreams to come True.  But I can only control the outcome of those that are only about me.  To SHARE a Dream, both must want it.  And when 2 or more SHARE Dreams, that’s when the Magick happens!  That’s when our Dreams become Reality, when we become bigger than ourselves, and if we all dared so much, what a wonderful World it would be!

                I Pray thee well!!  And may all your Dreams come true!

Ine Mela lle yo ilya nya hon nya melda mellon!!

Aloha!  Namaste!  As-Alamu ‘Alaykum!

 Forever and Anon,

James Elrond Mings

Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life

How to Make Your Dreams Come True!

First and foremost, I asked you (or, I suppose, told you) to ”Stop!”.  Then, after describing briefly (hehe) what I thought it was we were doing “wrong” with our Relationships, I then -again, briefly (hehe)- explained “How?”  Well, here’s another approach.  Speaking personally, not just “theoretically”, I’m going to use my own Life as a basis for the premise.

It is actually quite simple to make your Dreams come True.  All you have to be willing/able to do, is to believe that they are possible.  The mind is a powerful thing!  It is the greatest muscle in the body.  It’s the “CPU” (Central Processing Unit) of our bodies.  It alone, is capable of interpreting for us the data of the World around us, and translating it in to recognizable patterns that make sense to us, thus allowing the ability to communicate.  To share.  To give to the energy of thought a power greater than 1.

Now that we believe they are possible to make real, all we have to do, is find someone else to believe in them too!  If we can do this, just these two things, we can accomplish anything, if we have just one other person believing our Dreams can come true!

If you manage to find someone who has the same Dream, you’ve found a Soulmate.  And if you both have had the same Dream, and both Believe it can come true, no human force or amount of difficulty can/could stop you!!  {For a recent and popular historical reference, see the “Wright Brothers”, and “Flying”.}

I’ve seen it personally, I’ve done it, I’ve shared it!  When Dreams come true, Magick happens!!  No one has the right to tell us our Dreams “can’t” come true, no one has the right to keep us from pursuing our Dreams!!  Besides, we are all more than capable of getting in our own way!   LOL  I’ve spent my whole Life chasing Dreams -well, okay, one specifically, but before the pieces started fitting together, they seemed to be more than one-, wondering what it was that caused and/or prevented them from happening.  That too, is a simple answer… Faith!

You see, nearly 1700 years ago (plus or minus, depending on which sources you believe make the most sense, and/or, how deep you get into the mystery of our “true” origins…), Humankinds Faith was turned upside down!  Men -in their “infinite Wisdom” ~insert implied sarcasm~- decided they alone should have power, and were tired and done with “sharing” it with the other half of Humanity (and, in my own personal Belief, the better half), Women.

This disrupted the balance of power, and, not surprisingly, has caused a ripple effect we are still feeling!  You see, here’s a secret…  {lean in close, don’t let it get out!}  IT TAKES TWO!!!  Life, in fact, cannot go on, without a pair.  You cannot have Life, or Love, without the other!!  Life (or Goddess, Mother Earth), and Love (or God, Heavenly Father) are Eternally connected!  Life (that Physical, discernible Substance) and Love (the Greatest Gift, indescribable, intangible Power) work in Harmony through ALL of Nature!  There is not one without the other!  When we (the Living) embrace Life, Love is found!  When we (the capable) share Love, Life is created!  When we divided Life/Love, Goddess/God, Positive/Negative, Earth/ Heaven, and said they “can’t exist together, it’s either, or!” we separated the Greatest Union in all of Creation!  For, as we ALL know, If there is a Mother, there must be a Father, and vice versa!  [Yes, there are always exceptions.  There are those among us who are not Living, and, sadly, those who are incapable of sharing Love.  There are such low Life forms that are capable of propagation asexually, but if we were created in “His” image, does that really apply to us???]  I digress.

When one seeks to dominate an other, nothing good comes of it!  We’ve been killing each other for millennia, and no one is any smarter for it!!!  Has either side in ANY  battle or War been proven Right, or wrong?  Or have we simply proven who was better at killing?  Lives taken in pursuit of unclaimed “X” (where X = whatever the excuse is, used to “better” ourselves, and gain some “Wisdom” not achieved/achievable while the other Lived), countless!  Actual “permanent” gain found, and brain cells multiplied (by even ONE), ZERO!!!  Game over.  Check the History books.  The result is the same, each, and every, time.

We cannot succeed on our own, a babe left alone in the woods has a slim chance.  We need each other.  We are not designed to survive alone, there is nothing Heaven or Earth alone can give us that will sustain us without help from the other.  So why do we continue to empower individual “Men” -or Women-, when we know, it takes Woman, & Man, working together, for Life to flourish?

We are all equal, we are all capable of success!  We are all at a time and moment in our Lives when our Dreams CAN come True!

But we must be willing to Believe!!!  We must accept NOT our limitations, but our LIMITLESS potential, and our ability to make our Dreams come true!!

I have dreamt of One Life, One Woman, One future, for as long as I can recall having dreamt at all!  And everything that has Inspired and shaped my Life, has led me to this point, this moment!  At the time in my Life that I was most miserable, is when I denied my Dreams most!  When I said “I can’t…” or “It can’t be true…” or “It can’t be that easy…” or “It/I can’t …” blah, blah, blah, yackity shmackity!

As soon as I accepted the simple possibility, that “It can…” or “I can…”, my Life began changing for the better!!  Once I realized that it was only me in my way of my Dreams coming True…  I’ve been on a Spiritual high ever since!  😀

Sadly, however, my Dreams have meshed with Visions.  Though this in and of itself is not a “sad” occurrence, it does bring in to play different variables.  Every one Dreams, of what they want to be, of who/what they like, what they “want” most…  Not everyone has/gets Visions, and/or recognizes them as such when they occur.  Dreams -in comparison- are easy to achieve, because they are your Dreams.  Rarely is the focus greater than you, in some context or another.  Visions, on the other hand, are not of the self, per se, they are of events Past/Present/Future, and though typically very precise, include more than One person.  Where you add other people, you add other wills!  Where you are following your Dreams, you follow a “single” path.  Where you are walking along the path of a Vision, others walk, and therefor they also have chosen (or choose) to walk the same path (usually as they have seen the Vision, or something like it), either in whole or in part.  Though everyone’s Dreams are different, so too are everyone’s Visions -basically- the same.  Dreams guide the one.  Visions guide the many, as individuals, and as a collective consciousness.

Thusly, when more than one “Will” is seen, both (or more) play a part in its actuation…  Not every Vision comes true, nor is every Seer 100% accurate, there’s just too many variables at play.  It’s not likely, we’re not perfect, and things/people can change!  Only the past is set in stone.  Some are, or can be, however, more accurate than others.

I’ve dreamt, all my Life, of One woman.  At first, and as a child, it was an unrefined Dream.  A few character features I couldn’t quite explain “why” I liked so much, I just did.  As I grew older, and discovered more of my “self”, and what I liked, I found more of what I wanted matching up with my “Dream(s)”.  One day, as I was -quite literally- placed in a certain place, at a certain time by the Powers that be, the Universe, Synchronicity, {pick one, choose your own, whatever, just so long as you find something to Believe in…} Father Sky and Mother Earth came together as one, and in a moment I’ll not soon forget (those same Powers that be so willing), the World, my Life, Past, Present, and Future, came together as one, and was seen in this Angelic Moon Goddess’ eyes, and it all made sense!  But only for a split second!!!  Thereafter, my immediate after thought became, as we Human beings are so notorious for doubt, “Are you nuts?  You literally just met this woman, and you’re thinking about the rest of your Life with her???”

It’s taken me the last 16, going on 17 years to have the Faith, the Belief, that Yes, Dreams can come True, if you let them, and if you’re willing to work for them, for the Vision to begin to form, and congeal, to become “real” enough for it to begin making sense!  Part of the problem, however, is if Dreams shared are only recalled by one part of a pair, the Dream itself changes.  I know she used to share/see the same Dreams, we’ve spent many days/nights talking about them… but of the Dream(s), or parts therein where our recollection(s) differ, without Divine intervention, and/or an attempt to help her recover those “lost parts” (should she even desire to remember/recall), are not easily reconciled.  I’m still recalling things I’d nearly forgotten of our past…

Things I’d seen and forgotten in that split second, began to make themselves known, as time moved on and certain events took place.  And this continues to happen.  But this hadn’t then occurred, and didn’t for several years!  At first, it was just a blur, a nagging thought, and when Life took us in separate directions, that’s all it remained to be.  A nagging thought, an inappropriate expectation forced upon (through my mind’s eye) the woman I married, who wasn’t this other woman, but a “quick” replacement, for I wanted the Dream to come true so much I forsook a few details, conveniently edited them for content so they looked the way “I” wanted them to, as the Vision took a back seat, and laughed at the folly of man, as he himself took a backseat and let someone else dictate what the “keys to success and happiness” were.  Not trusting what was already known/believed to be true.

Years later, when, once more, I was at the mercy of the Powers that be, and through the aftermath of the separation from my ex-wife, I finally accepted that I was not doing what I “wanted” to do.  I was not following my Dreams, nor making any effort to see them made real.  So, I began to do just that.  I began to do that which I’d always had a passion for, a talent that I could share with the world, one which I’d always Dreamt of doing, but didn’t ever believe could become real.

And within a year, I was working on getting a collection of my Poetry published, and looking to get/start my Life over, as I had always wanted, and Dreamed it may be.  Within that same year, the Woman of my Dreams re-entered my Life (ironically, once more, but through a series of “fluke” circumstances), and the Vision this time began solidifying for me through things that hadn’t been, couldn’t have been, real before!  Images started taking shape, the box of puzzle pieces dumped so “unceremoniously” in my lap before were now beginning to take form, filling in the “void(s)”!  I discovered that she was more of the woman I’d always wanted than I’d ever imagined she could be, she was, is, for me, Perfect!!  In every way, there is none better suited for me!  Everything important in a relationship, we have in common!  She is ahead of me in a few matters of “expertise”, she also had to fight a LOT harder to survive to get there!  Drastic events call for drastic change, or we are swallowed whole by the events found in Life!  Some rise above, and meet the challenge, others sink in to the depths and pits of sorrow and despair, and go back to believing “there’s nothing I can do…”

She has not!!!  She has risen above, to heights I can barely see!  She has been Blessed with (among other things) the Gift of Life, akin to and a part of the Greatest Gift, Love!  And she has done better and more alone, than many do with all the help they can muster!

At that time, I’d not yet learned for myself how easy it is to make your Dreams come True.  I was still waiting for someone/something else to show me how, or help me to figure it out, or allow me the time to figure it out on my own.

I had, nor was I given, any of it.  Once more, I had to lose.  This time, not only did it cost me the Lives of our unborn children again, but everything I most Truly and dearly wanted!  The Angelic Moon Goddess herself, turned her back on me for my folly.

I don’t blame her.  I couldn’t if I tried.  I wouldn’t dare.  She had given me all she could, and I, yet unsure of “how” to be me, fell in to old habits, not indicative of expressing Lovingkindness for another, and was not as responsible as I wanted to be, I still hadn’t overcome the shadow(s) of my past.  I forsook what was given/offered, because I still didn’t fully understand or appreciate what I had.  Finally, after losing our twins, and her a 2nd time, as well as the Love of a Precious Little Princess who called me the “bestest bestest Daddy”, I learned.

And now, nearly 2 years after the fact, as was meant to be (as I believe all things are), I’ve finally figured it out.  Or, at least enough for me to begin my path to being, doing, seeing feeling hearing tasting smelling and sensing in this World the Best that I can!  I’ve finally gotten out of my own way!  And since I began, doing the best I can, thinking the best I can, seeing feeling hearing tasting smelling and sensing the best I can, in “my world”, I’ve trouble asking for anything!!  Because I see how Blessed I am, I know how Blessed I am, I feel it, smell it, I can taste it, and sense it!  The Vision continues to unfold, two and soon three Epic Poems will have been written of it.  I’ve found Happiness as I never before imagined, Spiritually!  But Blessings unshared are only half as precious, half as enjoyed, half as healing as they can be.  ALL of Life is intended to be shared, most especially the Blessings.

Father Sky has so Blessed me with my mind and talents I would be a fool not to try to continue being better with both than I’ve ever been!  Mother Earth, is ever Forgiving, She is the Nurturer.  Father Sky the Provider, he’s forgiving too (But quicker to temper!  LOL).  I did not appreciate before, how Precious, rare, and Glorious Her Gift(s) were/are.

But again, I’ve learned.  I still breathe, there is yet Hope, I have Faith, and I am as Charitable as presently able, and will be more so as my means increase!  I’ll not again forget to give back, if even just a little.

She is still a part of my Dreams, this woman.  And a part of the Vision that is still unfolding for me.  The Vision now had so many years ago.  She dreamt it and saw it too!  But injuries have prevented her from recalling as much as I do of what we’ve shared {or so was the case when last we spoke… I truly don’t know what’s going on in her Life anymore}.  From the moment we met, we’ve shared a Vision!  In that Fateful instant, we had no choice, we looked into each others eyes, and there we saw Eternity!  Two hearts, intertwined and connected through Space and Time, found in an instant, between two young Lovers, not fighters, who wanted to see the world be a better place!  It was, at the very least, something we once “shared”.  At this point, however, it is no longer (as I’ve come to realize) just about me, what I saw.  It’s about what we saw!!  In that moment, and in the time we shared that followed, we awoke to one another!!  Our Dreams shared, as we spent each Blessed moment together unfolding the past, creating the future, we saw our Lives unfold before us, and we planned for ways to bring us back to each other, in the event we ever veered from our path!.  Like breadcrumbs, we began a trail that would always lead us back home… things to say, things to think about when we see certain things, smell certain things, memories placed in sync with things we do… gardening in the morning, riding our bikes, Lavender… different clues to spark and awaken recollection of moments, so precious, so rare, that we didn’t ever want to forget!  Songs we made “ours”, with hints in the lyrics for us to find, when we stopped and listened.  Things that would seep through our conscious, while we type, cook, clean, bathe.  Little triggers, like capitalizing the “O” in the word “One”, to remind us of what brought us together, what we feel when we touch, what we hear when we listen, see when we look, smell when we breathe, taste when we use our tongues, think when we’re alone.  An all sensory rapport!  However, time was not kind, and through varying events in our “separate” Lives, we forgot more than we recalled or remembered.  It’s taken me nearly 16 years to recall what I have,  and I’ve not yet recalled it all.  I can only imagine what she doesn’t now know and/or recall.  I can give her what knowledge I’ve gained, or try to help her recover what was lost, but now, at this stage of “the game” and our Lives, it must be her choice!  Though I still consider her “lost” to me in this present moment, we have been in each others presence within the last 9 months since I arrived  And nothing would have made me happier than to run up to her, hug and hold on to her, smell her hair, taste her lips, look again into the pools of her eyes, and see the Love we put there!  In each others eyes…  but, she asked/told me not to.  I don’t know why… at this point, I may not ever know.  But I have wanted it more dearly than anything else since I arrived.  To speak with her.  Once for the better part of 3 hours we sat not 50 feet from each other, and despite my intense desire to go to her, to plead with her, just to talk to her, I gave her her space.  She requested it.  When you let Love fly, you must let it do just thatIf we are so Blessed, when it is ready to land, it will return to us.  If not, we have done what was best for Love, and let it grow and fly elsewhere, letting them decide how they wished to Live, and decide what matters to them most, where they want to try and grow and flourish better than before, and hopefully, with those who wish/want the same.  And shown then TRULY, we do Love, for that is what Love is… caring more about that others well being and happiness more than your own!!  As I said, I discovered it was no longer about just me.  It never was.  And I hadn’t figured that out yet either.  It now doesn’t matter what I know, or remember.  What matters is whether or not she knows, or wants to remember!  Life to me now, is more Precious than ever before!  I am ready this time!  But now it’s not my choice, it is hers.  And I will honor her, with my Love, by showing her Love, by doing what she wanted more, giving her her space.  If she wants to let me back in, even the slightest, it will be her doing.  I’ve done all I can, and what I should have.  Now, I can but continue to be the best me I can, whether I’m able to share it with her, or anyone else, or not.  I’ve Lived my Life, no one else has… I must be responsible for those actions taken, and remember what I can of each moment shared, and Pray, that one day, there will be more sharing of moments together, and less wishing for them alone.

I can, and do, but Believe.  I can but -continue to- be the best me I can be, and remain grateful/thankful for all I have!  If she is to be a part of my Life, my Dream, the Vision I/we shared, then she must Believe in those same Dreams, the same Vision(s), and want to share her Life with me too!  And only she can determine that.

Because of her, all of the best things in my Life have happened!  I owe her more than I could ever give!  She doesn’t need me, and I don’t know what (if anything) she thinks of me any longer.  I can only now offer Love, as I’ve come to know it, and because of her, all the Happiness I’ve found being me!  These Gifts are but the least of what she deserves!  She is, after all, an Angelic Moon Goddess!  She is one in 7,000,000,000+.  She is all any wo/man could ever want as a partner!  She is a source of the Light in this world, and deserves no less than to have ALL HER Dreams come true!  Whether I am still a part of them or not.  As a Friend, a companion, a Teacher, a Lover, a Mother, NO ONE, compares.  And if she is half as aware of that fact as I am, it’ll be no easy task, nor free ride offered, to be so Blessed with the receipt of her Love, as a Friend or anything more!  But that’s okay… she’s worth it!  J

I’ve no need to keep looking, I found her.  I know who the Woman of my Dream(s) is, and I’ve met her twice.  She’s Living happily, I’ve heard.  I Pray it is so, few I think deserve it as much as she!  She deserves all the Happiness I’ve found being me, and more!  I Pray she is not Living as I, Half Loved, Half fulfilled, half complete.  The things I’ve seen, and accomplished because of her, because of the influence she had and has on my Life, is a treasure I will always hold most dear!  I’ve not ever before, nor since, and not again, been as Happy, as Complete, as I was/am or could be with her in my Life.  But that is her choice too.  I’ll not force or inflict my presence, my Dreams, upon her.  The Dreams/Vision(s) we share(d), must be claimed equally, or not at all.  Then or now.  If all I get is an occasional smile, it will suffice.  If I am actually so Blessed as to hear my name come from her lips, to read her word, perhaps then we can discuss once more the past, the present, and the future, and what they mean to us.  I’ll take whatever I am offered, and not ask for that which should be given.  Time waits for no one.  Life is precious, and ever fleeting, and when we are so Blessed, we get to share it with those we Love most.  If not, we either continue Living, or die.

I let her go.  If she comes back, I will be, once more, TRULY, one of the Happiest and most Blessed men alive!  Whether we Live on as Friends, or anything more.  If not, I’ll be one of the most Blessed, half-fulfilled, half-Loved, half-Lived people on the Planet.  I’ll still be writing, continuing to try and be better than before.  Even if I find “perfection” within myself, there will still be room for improvement, so long as I Live!

Who doesn’t want their Dreams to come true?  Who wouldn’t risk everything to see their Dreams come true?  Who doesn’t want the best of everything in/from Life?  Who doesn’t deserve the best this World has to offer, and the opportunity to pursue it?  The answer to these questions, is NOONE!!!

The best is soon to come!  We all have the opportunity to grow, learn from the past, and make a difference in the present, to benefit our future!  Or, there’s the obvious, and inevitable, truism, “If we don’t learn from the mistakes of the past, we are DOOMED to repeat them!”  I enjoy learning, how about you?

I believe, anything is possible!  I believe, we can accomplish anything, if we simply put our minds to it, and STOP allowing the word “can’t” to get in our way!  The only thing I know of, that we “cannot” do, is avoid death.  (Even so, anything being possible, even that, too, can be overcome.  But we’ll have to work more on helping each other, instead of hurting/killing each other, before that secret is discovered.)  Can you imagine, 7,000,000,000+ people, all doing their best, to better themselves, by being better, instead of trying to ”prove” it, or show it, just, doing it, being better, because they can, because they want to be!  It’s difficult… I’ve not seen or heard of so many working together for a common cause.  Or, better yet, for ALL common causes!  7,000,000,000+ people, choosing to Love one another, instead of choosing apathy, or entropy to be their Spiritual guides.  Wow.  The things we could do…

All we have to do, is care enough to listen, to discover what others want!  And once that is found out, and you find someone else who wants what you do, do ALL you can, to keep them in your Lives!  They are worth it!  You are worth it!  We deserve no less!  And -hopeful romantic that I am- I believe we can!!!

Blessed be!  Aloha!  Namastè!  As-Alàmu `Alaykum!