Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life

A Heart’s Long Journey

A Heart’s Long Journey

To all those who will read my tale, know that all things written here are true.  Though out of respect for the individuals, I name no one in the following, please know that you have my deepest Love and Appreciation for all of the Charity and Love that you showed unto me.  Even if you do not think your actions as such given the situation, all things come from Love, in one way or another.  Blessed Be.

Nya Melda Mellon,

I promised I’d not ever stop writing, so let me tell you “Our Story”, as I told it along my Journey here, as any who asked or showed interest, heard it!  17 Years ago, by a fluke – no I take that back… By the hands of our Divine Parents – Mother Earth, & Heavenly Father, in case there was any doubt =-P – I happened to be attending Paradise Adult School while living with my Grandparents in Magalia, CA.

I should’ve graduated with my senior’s class of ’95, at Anaheim High School the year before, but that’s another story.  Having (if memory serves) only 2-3 credits to make up, I had more time than I knew what to do with before Graduation day, and our 2 instructors – J_____ and C_____ – bonded rather quickly with me, and, truth be told I with them as well.

I wasn’t one of those “typical” students, and (having had more “spare” time than work to do) we’d spent quite a bit of time talking, getting to know each other.

One of the things they’d found out about me, was that I had been  President of the Philosophy Club in my Senior at Anaheim High, so J_____ jumped on this rare opportunity, and asked me to help her start one for the Adult school, by – among other things – writing a constitution for it!

I couldn’t refuse, I’d always enjoyed being “Teacher’s Pet”, and as I said I had grown fond of my instructors!  =-)

At0 this time, the “school” had not yet moved to its more permanent location down the road, and was held in a “portable classroom”, – quite literally- on the side of the road, on a hill where beneath us and to the West was Paradise High School, and to the East was the “building’s” single entry, facing both street and hillside, which –of coarse- continued upward! =-P

One morning while working -more or less- on the upstart of the Philosophy Club for J_____, my work was interrupted by the flood Sun-light which poured in from the door having been opened, and the most beautiful young woman coming through said door, as if she had been riding the very Sunbeams that accompanied her!

Previously, I believed I had met our entire student body, as there were only about a dozen of us, but as this Angel came into the room/building, Jackie came over and said “Elrond, there is one student you haven’t met yet…  I stood from where I’d been seated, went to shake her hand, and as I did so, the moment we touched & I looked in her eyes -and in less time than it takes to snap your fingers- I had a vision of the rest of my/our life/lives!  It was like someone had dumped a 5000 piece puzzle in front of me, and only let me see it for a split second!

So complete, so overwhelming was this vision, that to this day, I recall more, my thought(s) after this vision than I do of the vision itself!  ‘Are you nuts?’ I asked myself, ‘You just met this woman, and you’re already thinking of the rest of your life with her?  Are you serious??’  I don’t even recall our “first words” to each other, I just recall I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, and by the time she left, my cheeks hurt from the grin I couldn’t wipe off my face!! =-P

I do recall Jackie had informed her that I was presently in the Army National Guard, and either She or Jackie had told me she was staying with herGrandma, finishing her diploma so she could join the Navy, active duty!

From that moment forward, we spent every possible moment together, or – much to my Grandma’s chagrin – talking on the phone.  Each & every, possible moment!

We had a few dates, one of which was Thanksgiving dinner at her Grandma’s, and that evening we had our first slow dance (to “The Power of Love”, by Celine Dion), and our first, second, and third kiss(es)!

It wasn’t long before she was leaving for Boot Camp – Having finished her work on her diploma – and before she left we’d already exchanged “I Love You!”s.

As soon as she was able (the 1st or 2nd day) she sent me postcard all recruits are given, with the necessary information so we could write each other, and from the moment I received it, we were writing each other daily!!! =-P  2-4 times Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to make up for the 1 we wouldn’t receive on Sunday!

Each time she was able, she called me (to my surprise and delight), instead of her Family, and before her graduation – sometime in February – we were engaged!

To many, this may seem like a lot, and/or think we were moving “too quick”, however, when writing letters, most especially by hand, there is in the written letter a closeness, an intimacy, and a level of honesty that is rarely found by any other means/form of communication, for the simple fact among others, more esoteric and metaphysical reason(s)/ reasoning(s) – that we are not inhibited by the social norms” we are taught and/or learn that “must” be adhered to that otherwise keep us from being an open, honest, or forthright as we are when it’s just you and the paper.  Without all of these other “barriers”, it is much easier to grow closer, and more honestly so, and in less time, than even through phone communications, and we were writing 3-11 page letters daily!!!

At any rate, shortly before graduation, all the recruits are given 3-5 invitations to send out to friends/family, any who they think might be willing and/or wanting to come support these newest” “Sailors” before they move on to either the fleet(s), or on to more advanced schooling (the Navy refers to these as your “I” school(s), on up to “C” school, depending upon the level of “technology” required for whatever you had signed up for), and I received one of Her invites!

I was also the only one whom She had sent an invite to that showed… [Sad, in my opinion, as her other invitations had gone to “blood relatives”, but…]

So we were alone for those 3-4 most Blessed days!  In which we actually broke the rules/laws of time, and spent Forever Loving, back through History, and in to the future, before going our separate ways!  Those days & nights, were, quite literally magical, and in those precious moments, we knew we had found our Soulmates!!!

We’d both wished it wouldn’t ever of had to end.  Alas, it did – but only in that moment!! ;-P – and she went East, and I West from our Blessed Union in the middle.

We went right back to our writing daily, and making up for the lack of one on Sunday by sending multiples the day(s) before!  As an added bonus, we were now able to talk on the phone 2-3 times a week as well as her “dorm” had a shared pay-phone!

As time moved on, I prepared for “graduation”, and my planes to go to “active duty” status, and so too now a “stars & stripes” wedding!  She, and I began speaking with our superiors – she was a little more limited, as she was still in school – and to our perspective Recruiters, to see how we would/could arrange for our marriage, and subsequent years of service.

Much to our dismay, though the wedding was not an issue, any time together, or the possibility of being stationed at or anywhere near one another would be next to impossible!  Were we in the same branch of service – either/or- , we would be so limited at all, but while in separate branches, then couldn’t (or wouldn’t) even say we’d be on the same side of the world!

So after much discussion, we – I – decided to transfer from the Army to the Navy as, she was still in School (and would be for several more months) and I could get – at that time anyway – a more technical level of training from the Navy, and they were also offering a better G.I. bill plan, and didn’t have the limitation of currently having been “in-training”.

I spoke to some local Recruiters, and was soon awaiting my 2nd time through Basic Training/Boot Camp, and She and I were back to planning our wedding!

About a month and a half later – and approximately the same amount of time before I shipped out – She fell from the face of the planet!  I stopped receiving letters, she stopped calling, and my continued attempts at both forms of communication were fruitless!  I couldn’t even get one of her “dorm-mates” to tell me anything……

But I was bound for Great Lakes, IL, and a career in the Navy, weather I liked it or not!

I didn’t.

In fact, the Navy was devoid of everything I liked or enjoyed in/about serving in the Army!!  For the most (…if not entire) part, my time in the Navy was a wash!  The only thing I really gained from the experience, was my ex-wife… and even she… is well, an ex

We remained married – and/or together – for 13 long years, before separating, 12 of them in her home town, Peoria, IL… if you’re not going to Illinois to visit, see, or stay in Chicago, PLEASE, take my word for it, keep on going!  There’s nothing else worth seeing!!

I attempted, for those 13 years, to make her happy, to do what she wanted/expected me to, before I realized that if I wasn’t happy, I could do next to nothing to please her, or anyone else!

I wanted kids from the start, she kept waiting for “the right” time… despite the fact that nearly every job I had paid more than the last, it wasn’t even – or didn’t ever seem to be – enough… my view of Love & marriage was/is that with Love, anything can be overcome or worked though… hers was (and/or is) the more you provided, the more you “showed” your Love.

So, in September of 2008, we separated, and I spent the next 7 months or so living out of my car.

Right towards the beginning of April, my youngest sibling by 11 years – my Brother Walter, whom I’ve always called Walt – called me up, and suggested/invited me to come stay with him for a while, and even offered to pay for my trip out there (he was then residing in Albuquerque, and though I had a job – in sales – it wasn’t enough to get me out of my car as my primary residence, so…)!!

With not much else to keep me there, I put what I could stuff in my car… in it, and drove to Albuquerque (I enjoyed that drive much more that I should have =-P).

Two months later, I sat upstairs listening to music & playing some on-line game, when Walt came up to my room and said, “Hey Brah, why don’t you look her up!?!”  I couldn’t help but give a little laugh!  =-P

I didn’t think he had been old enough to remember her, let alone come up and suggest – now nearly 14 years later – that I attempt “searching” for her!!  ‘Cause the truth of the matter was, I had (within the last year or so) attempted to find her, on one of those “Friend” sites, and a few other “free” methods!

{Side note:  The thing was, is, that even though I had “truly” Loved my ex-wife, there had always been that “nagging” feeling, that ever questioning “What if…?”  In fact, one of my biggest fears throughout my marriage, was that at some in-appropriate moment I might “slip” and call my ex-wife “Her name”, or say “I Love you (Her name)!” instead of saying my ex’s name… it didn’t ever happen.  And ironically, throughout the marriage, I’d had no “real” though of the vision that had brought is together, or of those 3-4 magickal days…}

Not only within the last year, but infrequently throughout the marriage I had searched for Her… not really sure why… but then, all my attempts had produced nothing, so…

Nonetheless and allthemore, Walt did remember – I’ll have to ask him sometime what Inspired him to come up to make the suggestion –, so just to humor him, I did look Her up.

Mind you, I used the exact same search engine, and the same name as I had in previous times… this time, however, I found HER!!  And on the very friend site I’d tried using before!  Not only that, but the information provided, said she had last logged in year and a half ago, well within the time-frame of my last ­failed attempt!!!

I was trippin’, and without the prerequisite substance(s) to accommodate the sensation(s)!! LOL.  Though I thought I could be sure it was Her picture, I was looking at, it was a very small picture, and there was a little girl in the photo too!

Though I wasn’t 100% sure, I couldn’t imagine there being too many women with her name, and at that age… my Brother, Walt, was leaning over my shoulder, and suggested I try this other “Friend” site, which I had been avoiding doing for some time, simply because I thought it was just another “fad”… but he convinced me, so I set up the account.  Low & behold, in greater detail, there she was again!  This time, more sure of her identity, I sent a message along with the friend request…

Within a couple of days, she responded!  I couldn’t believe it!  Not only had I found her twice by the same means I’d attempted unsuccessfully over the years before, but I soon found out that she too had only recently – per the prompting(s) of her Friends, & business partners – created an account on this “new” Friends page!!

So it was indeed Her and her daughter on that other site, but she hadn’t really liked the “other” one, and also could not recall the password for it, so it was also convenient to go with this newer one!

We already began increasing the dialogue, til we were (for the most part) right where we left off!  She and her 4 – almost 5 – year old Daughter were staying here with the man newer site indicated she was engaged to, but She said they were through & she had been looking for a place to move to…  It wasn’t much longer, before the “L” word slipped from her lips, on one of many hours long conversations we’d been having on the phone, if we weren’t texting back & forth!

Within a month and a half – approximately – we had sent 1000’s of text messages back and forth, and spent hundreds of hours in conversation(s) over the phone, and were once more, engaged!

At some point during all thus conversing, I had mentioned the once famous Proclaimers song “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” (I no longer recall if it was seriously, or in jest, but regardless, I had, and one night She called me up, and said “Start walking!”.

The one thing I’d carried away from my failed marriage – okay, two things – was that 1) I was – and am – a writer & poet, it is/was the only thing I’d done consistently for 18 years, and had a passion for doing!  And 2) as such, and holding myself to a “higher standard”, was/am & desire to be/remain a “man of my word”.  For if not, what value would – or should – be placed on anything I wrote?

So, I did what I thought necessary to “ready” myself!  She sent me a small pack, a Camelback (3 liters) – which I would later discover was, at most, one days worth of water – a days or so assorted dried food goods, along with some loaves of bread she made for me, while baking for her 2nd business!  [The BEST bread(s) I’ve ever had, by the way, to this day! =-P]

Around the end of July, 2009, I signed my – inoperable – car over to my Mom, and headed out!  Well, sort of…  I was only able to get a few miles, before the ____ realization dawned on me, that were I to attempt crossing the desert of 3 states, as ill-prepared and over-burdened as I was – I’d weighed myself down like a pack mule, with 3 bags, no camping supplies save for a sleeping bag, and in the short distance I had traversed, I was already nearly through my one-day supply of water!  Had I attempted to carryon, regardless of my well placed intentions, I would have perished as surely as I sit before you now!!

No sooner had I come to accept this upsetting and painful reality – for I truly had intended on completing the Journey, and the Journal I was to write along the way –, than I looked up, and saw a sign indicating the Greyhound station was near on the road ahead (The Powers that Be seemed to be looking out for me, and sending me a clear message!).

Just up ahead, I spotted a payphone across the street, in front of a liquor store (a 7-Eleven I think it was), so I took the cue, and went in for some refreshment – I was sweating like a stuck-pig, and at this point, my solitary water bladder was empty – to help cool off while I relieved my aching back and shoulders of my burden!

I went in, bought a Gatorade, drank half of it, then rifled through my bags to try & find my phone.

Found (though not without effort), I called Her, and appraised her of the situation…  she seemed excited by the prospect of seeing me in a couple of days, instead of however long the walk may have taken – would I have been capable of surviving – otherwise.

So, I wobbled down to the station, and sure enough, from the time I purchased the ticket, I had ½ an hour to wait for the 2nd of 2 buses per day, leaving Albuquerque for Sacramento! =-P

Even on the bus, I had a difficult time juggling the 2 bags I didn’t stow underneath!  But 2 days later, I arrived to the welcoming arms of Her!  She had arranged to have Her daughter watched for 2 days & 3 nights, giving us time to go to a nearby campground, and enjoy some “quiet” time before getting back to “the real world”. =-P

The next 3 months, were, and remain being, the happiest, most joyous time of my Life!  We had only been “back” about a week, when one morning, after Her daughter had already been taken to school, and as we ourselves were preparing lunches for our day, She brought down a magazine clipping.  She placed it on the counter, and stated, “I want to live in one of those!”  What she was showing me, was a half-page picture of… I asked “What is that?”  “It’s a ____!  I want to live in a ____!”  I asked her for the name, because I’d not in this lifetime physically seen, nor heard of a ____ before, yet, upon having seen it, and heard it’s name, a piece of that puzzle, dumped in front of me 14 years earlier, finally fell into place!  Even having no idea what it was I was looking at, I knew I’d seen it before, and hearing the name made it stick!!

It was a hyper-intense deja-vu sensation!  Not only did this Smalltown U.S.A. feel more like Home than any place I’d lived before (and had since I arrived), but now a Vision nearly forgotten, was starting to make sense! =-P

Within two weeks of having arrived, we would later discover She had become pregnant with our twins!!  I went from “Cloud 9” to “Cloud 27”!!!  From the time I got there, Her Daughter had been calling me “Daddy”!, and had asked Her before I arrived if I was going to be her “Bestest bestest Daddy!”, a tittle I struggled to earn!  {Who wouldn’t, right? =-D}.  And now, with twins “of my own” on the way, yet more of the vision was becoming clear, I could make out chunks of puzzle, not just fragments!!!

Things began getting “tense” around the 2 ½ month “mark” since arriving in my own little slice of “Heaven on Earth”, as we now had our “own” cozy little place we’d moved into, and though I was bringing money in, I had yet to acquire a “real” job.

She miscarried, and we lost the twins.  We barely spoke, and in my devastated state, I found it hard to function, to comprehend what was going on.  The week before I returned to Albuquerque, she said two things to me…  “It all happened too fast.”, and that she and her daughter had not been “on their own”, and she wanted that now.

Having “just” come out of a failed marriage, I knew sticking around – despite my never wanting to leave, my need to have her to go through the grieving/mourning process with, and, again, the belief in our PROMISE of “Forever”, and the vow we’d spoken to one another, without the “formal” ceremony, twice at this point – would only make matters worse.  Having come so close (again) to the actualization of that Vision, I was/am willing to do anything; including giving her the space she wanted.

By the end of the week, almost 3 months to the day, I was back on a bus to Albuquerque.

It wasn’t long before I had another minimum wage job, but this one was “full” time, working 3 twelve-hour shifts, and this time I was staying with my Mom, not my Brother.  {For a week, I’d had a temp-job that was paying $2 more than minimum wage, working 4 ten-hour days, but after lunch on my last day on the job, the boss’ were handing all the “temp” employees termination of contract papers effective at the end of the week… I was re-assigned to this new position that Saturday!}

I was vigilant at giving Her her space, while occasionally and in-frequently trying to maintain some level of communication… – It hadn’t been said yet that we were “through”, an, she had in-fact said on bane of death she would not leave me in silence as she had before! – {I do not, and would not want, ask, or wish to hold her to that promise.}

At first, she would at least respond, however briefly.  But as time ticked on, the responses became less frequent, and only to the “mundane inquiries”.  Anything as personal; as personal, as “How are you?” was now being ignored… ‘til shortly after the turn of 2010, when her communication once more ended completely.

Sometime near the middle of March, the “guaranteed” full-time job went from a constant 36 hours a week, to being lucky to get paid for 4 hours a week!  And it stayed that way… for more than 2 months!!!

Mind you, since I had arrived in Albuquerque, NM, the first time, to the very time I had continually been seeking a “real” full-time job!  Despite any work “under the table”, regardless of “temp work” that was 32 or more hours a week, and/or part-time jobs, through all of it, I continued to search, and had found nothing!!

And at this point, had I not been staying with my Mom, I would’ve been homeless in Albuquerque!  No one I know of can be self-supportive on a 4 hour per week, minimum wage salary! No one

I was about done with it all!!  I was frustrated a dozen ways to Sunday!  Between being forced to mourn/grieve the loss of not only my/our twins, but literally the woman of my Dreams and her beautiful child that I’d come to Love as my own.  Truly, all I’d ever wanted…  On top of that, I wasn’t able to find a “regular”, or “real” job despite every effort… I was sick of it all!!  I was tired of the loss, tired of the negativity that seemed inescapable, I was just tired of everything, the reminders, it all!

So one afternoon, after having spent the morning I should’ve been working continuing to exhaust my resources searching for a “real job”, I decided I was going to go “get lost” walking the streets of Albuquerque for 3-4 hours!  After all, it’s a city that’s 170² miles, a population of ½ a million, and my Mom’s apartment was only about a mile from a state university, so I was thinking it was plenty variety to “lose” myself and just clear my head!!  A little exercise and some fresh air, along with a variety of sights both seen & unseen before sounded like just the medicine I was looking for!

Off to oblivion, off to being just a nameless face in the crowd, off to… anything but the monotonous reality that had been plaguing me for the last two months job wise, and nearly 2 years – minus the 3 months of bliss – of my personal life-wise!!  That’s what I wanted…

My Mom lives on the 3rd floor of a 4 story apartment complex, with a rather nice view just outside every apartment door, as they have a rather nice pond set up, where their 3 different ponds are all connected by streams, and a foot path with several bridges to go over should you so desire to traverse the grounds (you could also skip the bridges, and get all the way around by side-walk if you so chose!), but I digress…

From my Mother’s door, was one of the staircases that could take you either up, or down, and her floor was between the two “balconies” each staircase had.

I was going out, and so went to the lower balcony, took a deep, cleansing breath, and looked to the side-walk & stream below…

And now there, directly beneath me, a woman who looked too much like Her, with a child, about the same age, and looking exactly like Her daughter!!

First, my jaw dropped!  I literally had to rub my eyes & do a “double take”.  Then with a bit of a laugh, I looked to the Heavens, and said aloud, “You’re kidding, right?”.

Yes, I am a writer & a poet, a “wordsmith” if you will.  But without embellishment, or hesitation…  I was not deterred!  I was going for this walk, and I was going to clear my head of these very thoughts and images that were now haunting me!!!

Or so I thought… I did indeed, aimlessly traverse the city!  I was in fact, gone for the duration I’d intended to be “out”!…  There was, however, nowhere that I went, and nowhere that I could look, where I did not see… a woman who was pregnant, a woman with her child/children, and/or a woman child/children and her male “significant other”!  NOWHERE!!!

In cars going either direction, coming out of, or going in to shops/stores, restaurants full of them!!!  Not, but one!!  About ½ way through my vision of terror tour of Albuquerque, I did see 1 single guy, in a car, heading the opposite direction!  He was the one, and only, exception, to the Life I saw beyond my Mom’s door.

I returned to my Mom’s apartment feeling… lost, deflated…  I wasn’t really sure what to think!  Having Her & Her Daughter in and a part of “my” Life was the best part thereof, but bringing them back into it was beyond my abilities to control and/or determine at this point!  She had shut me out, not ____ _____!  The Powers that Be, and She alone could change that!!

Yet here I was, returning from an attempt, Divinely failed attempt to clear from my head, my thoughts, that from which I could not of my own accord change, and yet I was literally completely unable to do so, and had in fact been bombarded by the very image I sought to get away from!

It was nearing dark, and my Mom was not yet back from her job… so I thought I’d turn on the “boob tube” – something in itself that was “out of character” for me.  I’d happily gone years without a television – and “veg” for a while, and keep my mind occupied in the most generic of ways!

As the set warmed up, and image began to match that of a woman’s voice…  There before me, in HDTV, was a woman with long hair covering her back… (side shot) PREGNANT woman, with long hair, and a 5-6 year old DAUGHTER standing beside her, speaking to another pregnant woman, with a boy similarly aged, discussing a recent MISCARRIAGE!!  {Catching the irony, to the EXTREME yet? =-\ LOL }  I flipped a few channels, found more of the same “theme” I’d now been inundated with for the last 3-4 hours, switched to the “T.V. Guide” channel, and after 2-3 pages of the exact, same, themology, I gave up.  I turned the T.V. off, went over to my “bed”, and cried myself to sleep.

Over the course of the next week or two, I spent a great deal of time meditating, soul-searching.  Thankfully, for my sanity’s sake, such strict visual stimuli did not continue beyond that single afternoon & early evening… though now any match to that pattern would elicit the “cruel” reminder of what I had still recently lost… like Pavlov’s dog, my response had been fixed.

But what ended up happening, through a combination of the meditation I’d been doing, and the soul-searching and through conversation(s) had with one of the few Friends I’d made there {thank you Sophia! He he he}, was enough to remembrance of the Vision to write an Epic Poem (2 actually), and, the realization that, I had made a couple Promises that I’d truly meant to keep!  One, that I would walk a journey of a thousand miles; and Two, that I would write/keep a journal as I did so.

No sooner had I come to this realization (I hadn’t “shared” the realization, I had the Poem(s)), that the “job” that had for so long been crap, went – not back to 36 – became 40 hours a week, plus overtime, regularly!

Over the course of the next month & a half – or thereabouts – I earned enough money to take care of the car for my Mom so she could drive it.  As well as save up enough to pay the “back rent” I owed her (my Mom), to buy a tent, backpack, and all the supplies needed, on top of enough dry-food goods to get me nearly 75% of the way there, and to buy 4 Camelbacks for water – a four day supply when all filled, the greatest amount of time I estimated it would take to get between any 2 spots along the way without a chance to refill and re-supply – !!

No sooner had I gathered the necessary items for this proposed trip, with money to spare for expenses along the way, than the job that had done so well in the making said preparations possible, went back to crap!  It was time to leave…

I no longer had the “Promise” of Love at the end of this journey, in fact She and I hadn’t had a serious or meaningful conversation since about a month before I’d returned to Albuquerque!!!

But if felt right!  It – to me – made sense, and this time, I was ready!!!

So on July 20, 2010, I set out (for the 2nd time) to do as I’d Promised I would!

And for 75 days, I made and/or walked a Journey of Thousand Miles.  And nearly every one of those days, I wrote upon, and kept a journal!  And on October 04, 2010, seventy-five days and some 1200-1300 miles later, I arrived at the place She and I had chosen, together, the house that was to be our Home!

Each and every day of that journey, was a Blessing!!  If I had enough time to tell ½ of this story to any who inquired, they were some of the most kind, Loving, sincere people you could ever hope to meet!  Each, and every, time!  For 75 days, I saw, and had found Their True Love for me, though the journey itself, had been completed out of my Love for a Woman and her child, the Love I found was Divine!

I’d sent, and left word for Her every way I could, to let her know I was coming.  About 2 ½, 3 weeks in to the journey, she finally responded, briefly & coldly, through a text message.

She now knows that I am here, but no further attempt at communication had been made…

There you have it… Our tale… Our story, as I told it, so many times along the way.

Ironically, the Blessings haven’t ceased since I arrived… they haven’t been as numerous, or plentiful, and a few mishaps have taken place since my arrival.

We’ve seen each other 5 times – to my knowledge –, and, again, ironically, one of the Blessings that I’ve experienced since I got here, is I’ve recalled yet more of the Vision, I now Believe we SHARED the day we met, 17 years ago!!  I’ve also seen… well, things that should be shared only in person.

I still, in spite of the cruel and continued silence, Love you more than I ever have, or ever will, any other being!  And, believe it or not, I thank you also, for sending me back, and giving me the opportunity to do it RIGHT, because otherwise, the Blessings I’ve received along the way and since that Journey began, would not have been possible!

And now, this letter, along with the journal I wrote, and completed, will all be a part of one of the books being published!!

None of this, would have been possible without you, and without the Eternal Love we’ve shared, and yet share, and may/will one day share again!

Ine Mela LLe, yo ilya nya hon nya Melda mellon V_______!!!

Aloha!  Namaste!  As-Alaam-Alaykum!


I am a Writer and Poet, Construction Worker with a Union, would be Organic Farmer, Son, Brother, Cousin, Friend, and a few others. I would like to add a few more; Husband, father, .... the list will grow! I am currently working on personal growth, publishing my first book, becoming a Journeyman in the Carpenters Union, learning more of Gardening and Green things, and embracing Life as it comes! Life and Love are only as easy as we allow them to be, but are ever present, when we are ready to embrace them! Time is a tricky, devious thing, and Life is never easy. Nor should it be, the challenge is how we grow! While ever developing mentally and Spiritually over the last decade, The "obstacles to progress" are morphing into challenges to be met, and are ever changing. Such is the amazing Wonder that is Life, as we Learn, as we Grow! Too much structure is at the very heart of institutionalization, and not enough is the path to chaos. Learning that balance I believe is a Life-long challenge. One of many, as balance(s) is(are) ever changing too! All the while (and, as we ALL are...), I am, have been, and continue to be, so very Blessed!! Divine Providence, the "Finger of God", or even a reference to "Footprints"; all and more apply! The Energy of Life is all around us! Creating, Energizing, Healing, Invigorating! Life feeds the Energy of Life! Call It/Them how/by/what you will... Their presence and influence in and upon my Life has been amazing, and I could not, and would not, be who or where I am (NONE of us would/could be), without Them! Divine Providence, Creators/Masters of the multi-verse, the Spark of Life, the Energy that Nourishes, Higher Power, whatever/however you so choose to acknowledge our own smallness in the Universe! Without Their Love, Their Guidance, we are lost. We are sick, we are incomplete, when we lack the Faith to Heal and be Whole! I am growing, and Healing, and Learning, and am greatly in need thereof. But I AM growing, and Healing, and Learning! And so the Light "at the end of the tunnel" Shines ever bright! And Day by Day, I struggle, to be better than I was the day before, and to be prepared to be even better tomorrow! Hallelujah! Aloha! Namaste! As-Salàmu Àlaykum! Peace!

2 thoughts on “A Heart’s Long Journey

  1. Just so all who may read this may know, I am Elrond’s Brother. He is unable to get to a computer at this time, so he asked me to post this for him. Sadly, he asked me to do this MONTHS ago, but alas, life is life, and though I have no true excuse, it is at long last done. The blanks, and vague references are done by his request, so don’t feel too confused when reading. If She is to read it, she’ll know exactly whom this letter is speaking of. I wish all who read this great joy, and happiness, and hope you have enjoyed this true tale, and testimony of Love.


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