Posted in Deep(er) Thoughts, How I see the World..., Life

Inside My Head…

A Blessed day to thee all!

I’ve discovered, since creating this Blog, that you can’t get an update message sent out unless you “post” directly to the “Front end”, where this will appear.  So there is no other way for me to let you know that I updated my “About Elron”  Page, because, having done so, without doing what I am now, it would go largely unnoticed, unless you happened to Subscribe to that Page of my Blog… I think…  LOL

So, at any rate, I’m not going to Post a simple here it is… I actually intend on letting you in to a little piece of my mind…  If you don’t know me, brace yourself (if you do, you already know this to be a requirement LMAO), it can get bumpy in the recesses of my mind…

I am presently at an all time “high” in my Life, where all matters NOT including “Love” are concerned.  Where Love is concerned, I’m not doing so hot…

But, that is at the very least, in part, my own fault.  I have been so very Blessed in this Life, so much so, I couldn’t even begin to list them all here.  I would spend what’s left of my Life trying to list them, and wouldn’t be able to keep up, even if I could “catch up” to present day in the telling.  One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made, is not being as Grateful as I should have been of that which I had received.  And not realizing soon enough just how fragile, and precious Life is!  How rare those moments are, in which we recognize just how magickal it is, being alive!

Not the least of these Blessings, but certainly one of the greatest, has been the opportunity to meet my Soul-Mate, the woman of my Dreams, who I have literally dreamt of all of my Life!  She is an Angel among us, and all who know her, know her to be more than just one in a million, but one in 7,000,000,000+!  She stands out in a crowd, lights up any room she enters, and has survived adversity after adversity to become the Woman and Mother she is!  Successful, creative, innovative, gentle, Loving, determined, strong, independent, intelligent, beautiful, and all the while, delicate, even fragile.

Many women have aspired to do half of what she has accomplished, and have been unsuccessful.  And she has been twice in, and a part of my Life!  Twice now (the first time mind you, I had absolutely no say in the matter… not that I have any more say this time, but I could do more than I’ve done, but that is a gamble I’m not willing to take), I’ve given up my own “selfish” desires, and given her the freedom so deserved, to fly as she will, hoping for, but not expecting, a return.  Charity.  Putting an others Needs and wants before your own.  Love.

Some people think there is no such thing as a “Soul-Mate”, others believe in them, but don’t feel we are ever meant to be with them.  Some believe there is one “Right” person for each of us out there, others that any will do, it is simply a matter of what we are willing to do to “keep” in our Lives those we choose.

I am not saying any or all of these possibilities are Right, or Wrong.  I will say, that I Believe, that there is and has always been, for me, one Perfect match.  One person, one Woman, who is in every way, for me, the “most” perfect, the most ideal, the One!  I believe this because all of my Life, as I grew up, I had a building and growing set of ideas, of who it is, or would be, that embodied everything I wanted in a partner, a mate, a companion for Life, that I found to be the best traits of what I would come to define as being a “perfect” and “compatible” Friend to share the rest of my Life with, intimately.  And point for point, once I had met her, I knew!

Some may call me crazy, and indeed, they might be right.  But the moment I met her, and looked in her eyes, and touched her as we shook hands, I had a Vision!  One that I have yet to completely make sense of.  But it spanned a Lifetime, and happened in the blink of an eye!  In the moment I saw her, and stood to take her hand in greeting, in the instant in which we touched, my Life changed, and has not been the same since!  And it has taken all that has transpired for me to make as much sense as I have of that Vision, and to write those Poems of what I now recall having seen…

I believe that we do all have Soul-Mates, that one perfect match, that one above all others whom we find in our Lives that can make “Happily Ever After” a reality!  That one person who so Inspires us, that not only would we do anything for them, but strive in all ways, and in all things, to be better because they have so touched our Lives!  Do we always find them?  Does it always “work out”?  It would be nice if we did, and it did.  I believe it’s possible, and that there are always exceptions, and exceptional people.  I Believe they are always near.  I believe, that if reincarnation is more than fantasy, (I’m not implying that it is fantasy) that there are many people we stay “close” to in each Lifetime.  And of course it doesn’t always work out.  Some times because of our own actions, some times because of theirs, others both.  It’s true, all too often, that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone.  The sad part is, that both times I had her present in this Life, I knew what I had!

The first time, I hadn’t yet figured out enough of (indeed, at that time, any) that Vision to understand what I’d lost, but I knew, nonetheless.  The second time…  the second time, I knew, but I’d forgotten too much of who I was to be worthy of what was being offered.  I had just come out (within a years time mind you, but I was not yet fully healed/recovered from the effects) of my failed marriage, and though I was well on my way to getting back to “being me”, I wasn’t.  I was still too stuck in the mode of reacting as I had to my Ex-Wife, and wasn’t then prepared to react to the greatest gift offered us mortals in this Life, True Love.  I didn’t treat her as she should have been when our Lives began again as One, as a “Single Unit”, I treated her as I had learned to treat “the other half”, as I had treated my Ex-Wife, and not as the completely separate person, individual that she is, and had herself become.  {Folks, you want a bit of free therapy/relationship advice?  NEVER treat someone as you have treated someone else!!!  LOL  That may be the surest way to guarantee failure in any relationship.  We, all 7,000,000,000+ of us, are individuals, and should be treated as such, for though our “core” needs -Love, Food, and Shelter- are the same, our views, thoughts, and ideas vary as greatly as the numbers of us!}  The second time, I knew what I had in “having” her in my Life, but I hadn’t figured out what it was I had with “me” in my Life!  I’d given “me” up in the marriage that had completely failed, because I was more concerned with pleasing her (the “X”) than I was with being me, and growing up myself.

By the time I realized I was losing everything I ever wanted, and the Dream/Vision that had begun to become reality, again, it was too late.  I didn’t have time to figure out, or explain, and I had already made too many of the mistakes that I had already made by “not being me” in my marriage.  If we don’t learn from the past, we’re doomed to repeat it…

Life is too short!  We are not Promised tomorrow!  We have but one chance in this Life, to in this moment make the most of the Lives we have been given!  We are given but fractions of “time” in which to Live our lives, and in those blinks of an eye, worlds change, and collide, and we either merely exist in those moments, or we truly Live, and do the best we can to be the best we are capable of being.  And if we are so Blessed to wake once more, who can say what will remain of the World we left behind when we laid our heads to rest?

To make a long story short (er, shorter), The Angel that had twice entered my Life, has twice left my Life.  I don’t know if she saw in my eyes when first we met, what I saw in hers.  I suspect she might have seen even more!  But I don’t know.  I don’t know if, even if she had, what she saw (or may have seen) instead, the second time we shared our Lives together.  We haven’t spoken -seriously- since before we last parted, and all I know of our time together this last time is my own memories, and the things I’ve learned of myself since then.  I know I am unable to even now say to her “Thank you!”, for having made my present Life possible.  Were it not for her, and the role she’s played in my Life, I would not be here now.  But I will do nothing to disrupt the Happiness I’ve been told she now shares with another.  All I’ve ever wanted for her was to be Happy.  That’s what Love is -according to me-.  The time we spent together was, is, the part of my Life that I consider to be the Happiest!  The time when my Dreams, and that Vision I’d had almost became real!

I’ve learned, the hard way, what it is, to have had everything you ever wanted, ever dreamt of having, and lost it all.  I am so Blessed, that I am alive this day, and have begun upon the path that leads to doing, to being, what I’ve always dreamt of, and wanted to be.  But I no longer have her to share that Joy with.  And Joy in this Life, that is unshared with the One you Love, is only half of what it could be.  Life, unshared, is only half of what it should be.  Hopeless, foolish, romantic, Writer/Poet that I am, of course I believe “Happily ever after!” is possible.  But the reality is more often than not, the tragic ending that we in this world have become all too familiar with when it comes to “Love stories” outside of fiction.  Silence is far from golden.  But each day I am so Blessed to rise, I do so in utter Gratitude, for the chance, the opportunity, to once more, make the most of, and attempt to be, the best “me” I can be!  And if given the opportunity, to share a little of the Joy of Living with those who are in, and/or may become, if even for a moment, a part of my Life.

I implore you, the reader, to Live your Life, to the fullest, in every moment you have!  Do not forsake that which you have been given, and do not regret.  Learn from what has been gained, and lost.  Remember all you can of the past, and treasure the memories!  Follow your Dreams, and do whatever it is that makes you Happy, so long as none other is harmed!  Life is too short to be spent miserably!  And those precious moments in which we have all we’ve ever wanted, are too few and far between to be taken for granted!  Live, Love, Share, and Enjoy Life while it lasts, for it IS NOT permanent.  Blessed be my Friends!  Aloha!  Namaste!  As-Alamu ‘Alaykum!


I am a Writer and Poet, Construction Worker with a Union, would be Organic Farmer, Son, Brother, Cousin, Friend, and a few others. I would like to add a few more; Husband, father, .... the list will grow! I am currently working on personal growth, publishing my first book, becoming a Journeyman in the Carpenters Union, learning more of Gardening and Green things, and embracing Life as it comes! Life and Love are only as easy as we allow them to be, but are ever present, when we are ready to embrace them! Time is a tricky, devious thing, and Life is never easy. Nor should it be, the challenge is how we grow! While ever developing mentally and Spiritually over the last decade, The "obstacles to progress" are morphing into challenges to be met, and are ever changing. Such is the amazing Wonder that is Life, as we Learn, as we Grow! Too much structure is at the very heart of institutionalization, and not enough is the path to chaos. Learning that balance I believe is a Life-long challenge. One of many, as balance(s) is(are) ever changing too! All the while (and, as we ALL are...), I am, have been, and continue to be, so very Blessed!! Divine Providence, the "Finger of God", or even a reference to "Footprints"; all and more apply! The Energy of Life is all around us! Creating, Energizing, Healing, Invigorating! Life feeds the Energy of Life! Call It/Them how/by/what you will... Their presence and influence in and upon my Life has been amazing, and I could not, and would not, be who or where I am (NONE of us would/could be), without Them! Divine Providence, Creators/Masters of the multi-verse, the Spark of Life, the Energy that Nourishes, Higher Power, whatever/however you so choose to acknowledge our own smallness in the Universe! Without Their Love, Their Guidance, we are lost. We are sick, we are incomplete, when we lack the Faith to Heal and be Whole! I am growing, and Healing, and Learning, and am greatly in need thereof. But I AM growing, and Healing, and Learning! And so the Light "at the end of the tunnel" Shines ever bright! And Day by Day, I struggle, to be better than I was the day before, and to be prepared to be even better tomorrow! Hallelujah! Aloha! Namaste! As-Salàmu Àlaykum! Peace!

3 thoughts on “Inside My Head…

  1. Your head is always strange, interesting and Emphatic!
    Re: being alerted to your posts….is easy, just need to check the box!

    Glad the rest of your life is going well. Hope to talk to you soon, my friend.



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